DOGOPHOBIA (3)

 Yesterday (Saturday), I did not really go out to meet the dog. I was so busy I did not even remember the dog joor. 

I forgot there was a dog. I always forget because I am yet to still get used to the fact that there’s a dog. (Who knows? I may wake up tomorrow and see that the dog is gone, abi?)

When I returned from church (around to ten or so at night), I went to the back of the house to collect something. I just took a step and I heard barking. The fear ehhhnn. 

“This dog, something dey worry you ooo. You nor get respect, abi?” I muttered. 

I don’t know what happened but the dog suddenly became quiet. Osheeey! It’s like the dog is getting to know me like Rosemary said ooo. Or maybe it likes the scent of my perfume? Or maybe my perfume oil? I kuku sell perfume oil, so it must be the wonderful perfume oil. 

I left there and entered the house. And the dog was out of my mind forever. Till another time. 

Today (Sunday), I was rushing to church because I did not want to be late. The dog? I did not remember at all. When we closed from church, all choir members had to wait behind so we could go visit one of us who had just given birth to a baby girl.

When we got to her house, we just kept talking and talking. The TV was on and of all programs to be watching, it is BBNaija ooo. Some other persons in the house and some choir members began predicting who and who would leave the house, who did what, who did that. 

If you are thinking if I was listening, I was not. I don’t follow the program (and I don’t intend to) and I was soooo tired. I had planned today for, among other things, sleeping. I was happy to see the baby but my body was just shouting, “Time out! Time out! We need to shut down! We need to shut down!”

I even started something I call ‘systematic sleeping’ there. Do you know what that is? Let me explain to you because I know most, if not all of us, do it. I will use being in church when it happens as an example: 

At the beginning, you’d be very aware of your environment. Then, the sleep will start calling. But you know you can’t sleep there (because you’re in the front seat where the Pastor is looking at you directly or camera can easily see you. Of course, you can’t spoil your fine ‘girlship’ or ‘boyship’), you’ll pretend to be writing, reading your Bible or pressing your phone. The truth is, you’re doing none of that. You are sleeping! 

Then, you’ll open your eyes because maybe your pen fell on the floor and you were somehow conscious to know it (of course, you have been writing rubbish in your notes), or your neighbour realizes you are sleeping and taps you gently (if you have an understanding and caring neighbour anyway) or the most painful one where the usher comes to tap you because you have already gone to your village while you’re still in church. 

Some of you sef, the usher will wake you over and over again ooo, especially when sermon is on. You that your head is bent down will suddenly see your head up, mouth open (I have seen many things in church ooo.) Some people will even be snoring sef. Ahhh! 

Some people will be nodding their heads and sleeping and they wake up and see everyone is standing and you’re the only still seated. And you are seated in front. Pele ooo. (I am laughing out loud now.)

How did I notice? I look at people once in a while too naa. If you’re seated in the choir seat, depending on how strategic the position is, you can see almost everyone. 

(I remember then in Warri when Isy, Mercy and I will be looking at people and talking about their dressing as they stepped into church. Ladies, you remember too, abi? We don’t do that again ooo. We are now mature. Veeeeery mature. Those things are for little children.)

Then, pastor is done with sermon and your eyes are suddenly clear like torchlight. My brother, my sister, na devil be that. Cast it out!

Don’t worry, I’m not judging you. E dey happen to me too. (If you dare laugh ehhhnnn) 

The systematic sleep I was sleeping today, as my choir members were talking, I bent my head as though I was listening and fiaaaam! I was gone. Then, they said we should pray. I was too tired to stand up and once again, people, I was gone. When I woke up, they have finished praying and guess what I was doing? I was nodding my head as if I was still praying. 

I don’t know if I was caught. But I confessed myself to Charles, another choir member on our way home. 

I got home to five this evening. I just pulled off only my shirt and slept off. Smooth ride. And luckily, the dog did not bark to disturb my sleep. It’s like it can understand when I’m tired too. Abi? 

So, I did not see the dog today. Tomorrow, maybe. 

Oya, don’t lie. Tell me your ‘systematic sleep’ experience.