DOGOPHOBIA (5)

 Today is Tuesday. I slept veeeery late last night (slept around five a.m. this morning) and still woke up early. Of course, Doggie did not bark ooo. We thank the Lord. 

I was supposed to go the market today so I was getting prepared. Then, I decided to wash my dirty clothes before going. 

Guess where the washing machine is? You guessed right. Where Doggie is! Fada Lawd!

I was taking my dirty clothes out when Rosemary called and we started what would turn out to be a lengthy discussion. So, talking to her, laughing and washing my clothes did not really make my attention go to Doggie. 

After a while, the gatekeeper came to walk the dog. He’s been doing that for a while. It seems my neighbours are tired of doing that or so (they don’t know anything. You haff nur take care of yourself finish, ezz dog you gwan carry to take care of. I laugh in Spanish.)

When Doggie saw him, it was happy. When the gatekeeper (whom I will call Musa because I still do not know his name. He’s a new gatekeeper that’s why. Buy I know he’s Hausa. That’s something na, abi?)

When Musa removed the chain from Doggie, the dog stood and rested on him. Let me explain better: Doggie stood on its hind feet and his front feet (I can’t remember the name it is called, biko) was resting on Musa’s chest. And Musa had no problem with that. 

That huge, mighty dog on me? Kuku kee me! God knows I will just fall and faint. I don’t have that strength, abeg?

As they were passing, I still systematically stayed close to the door ooo(they did not come near me ooo, but we can’t take chances na.)

Meanwhile, Rosemary was busy laughing at me when I told her what had happened. She said my fear of dogs was worse than she thought. Can you imagine? 

We continued gisting on the phone ooo. Then, Musa and Doggie were back. “Shuooo! Just now now?” I thought. 

Musa chained Doggie back and left. Doggie looked like a child whose mother had just abandoned him. He kept trying to run to meet Musa but the chain kept holding it back. It kept walking upandan. I was using one eye to look at it. 

Doggie had so much play in him and decided to turn to the next person. Me. I dieeee! It kept raising its two front feet on the railing where I was, its long tongue rolled all out, teeth glaring and breathing like someone that had just ran a marathon.

“Come, just leave me ooo. I am not your friend ooo. Just leave this place.” Rosemary was laughing. That girl ehhnn….how are we even friends sef? 

When Doggie saw that I wasn’t ready to play with it, it sat on its hind legs, looking at me. I was disturbed. If it’s one fine boy looking at me that intense, I won’t mind at all. But a dog? Noooo!

Rosemary said it shouldn’t bother me, but it does. 

Then, Doggie ‘shit’ close to our side. Imagine the disrespect! It did not ‘shit’ where its owner kept it, it’s my side it did it. 

If you think I cleaned it, you must be joking. I ain’t cleaning shit for no shit! (Okay, I’m laughing. This line is very funny. You are free to write it down too, I don’t mind ooo. Lol)

Then, Rosemary said it’s because my ways are not pure, that’s why the dog was barking at me. She repeated that no dog had ever barked at her.

“It’s because those dogs really see me, they see how pure I am,” she said. 

“Nor be only pure,” I replied, “Na Benin witch you dey use for them!” We kept tabbing ourselves ooo. 

“Give am groundnuts na. Throw groundnuts on the floor for it.”

I just rolled my eyes. What is this Aunty saying? Shey because Tobi gave it groundnuts, I should do the same? Groundnuts that I’m selling, that its owners have not bought even one nylon from me, not to talk of bottle. I hear ooo! Story for the gods! 

The queue on the bank was not of this world. Before I see money collect ehhnnn….Fada Lawd! I returned from the market, freshened up quickly and rushed to church. Very busy day! 

9.58 p.m.

Doggie is barking at some men talking at the back right now. The backyard is dark so I guess not seeing them is the cause of these loud barks, right? Do we say Doggie is protecting the backyard, his owners or the compound?